Friday, June 18, 2010

good manners requires proximity

I'm for freedom of speech, even when the speech is contrary to my own convictions. In life, out in the real world you can't avoid running into people who think differently than you; there are going to be right wing republicans in your workplace or social circles, it can't be avoided. In real life you have to deal with people politely and with civility even if their response to your "good morning" is "wasn't Bush's speech great last nigh?" In real life you can't turn to that person and say "It wasn't, you only think it was because you are a complete moron." Social norm and what has evolved to be our concept politeness and civility don't allow for such interactions. In an office situation you might be fired for such an exchange, and rightly so.

The online universe is redefining our social behaviors. On Twitter the situation I described happens everyday. Instead of politely unfollowing someone they don't like, people often choose to lash out with expletives they probably would not use in the workplace or in a public setting. Frequently it doesn't end there, the offending party becomes offended and retorts in kind. There is something about the facelessness of online communication that brings out the worst in us. Even if your account is not anonymous, you are not face to face with the other party and that somehow makes people more likely to be rude, belligerent and obnoxious. To us distance seems to be some sort of diplomatic immunity.

Long before we were rude to each other online there existed another great example that human politeness is restricted to personal contact situations. Traffic. Yes, before the internet there were automobiles. The lack of personal contact between drivers frequently becomes road-rage. You would never chase down a co-worker and beat him with your bare fists because he cut in front of you or even bumped into you in the hallway. But warp a ton of steel around your ass and that is exactly what you do.

Apparently good manners requires proximity. I wonder why that is?

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