a modern problem

"The wedding is off!"
"What?"
"The wedding is off!"
"You can't be serious, the guests are sitting in the pews!"
"The - wedding - is - off!"
"John! Helen is in the next room getting ready to walk down the isle, are you insane?"
"I'm perfectly sane and the wedding is off!"
"You love her, you've been planning this for over a year, it cost her father over 40 thousand dollars! Stop joking around. Buck up, let's do this!"
"I got a note from Helen a few minutes ago. She wrote it on perfumed paper... she says she loves me... "
"Of course she loves you, your parents love her, her parent love you, everybody loves everybody, let's get out there!"
"You didn't see the note... you don't understand!"
"Let me see it - It's a lovely note, what's wrong with you? I understand that you are insane! Her father will kill you if you're late."
"She had never written anything to me before... you see? In the five years we've known each other, this is the first thing she wrote me. Did you see it?'
"John, buddy what are you talking about? Did I see what?"
"Do you remember Kathy Conner from high school? Remember why I broke up with her?
"Well, she was annoying and whinny as hell!"
"Yes she was! I broke up with her because she kept drawing smiley faces on my notebook!"
"Smiley faces?
"Yes, didn't you see the yearbook?"
"John, are you insane?"
"I mean, we've texted and emailed, we posted on Facebook, she keeps a blog! Did you read about the wedding plans on her blog?"
"I did, she writes very well, the note is beautiful, what are you talking about?"
"She never wrote me anything by hand...I mean, everything was typed, or posted or e-mailed!"
"You're scaring me John!"
"The 'i's!!! Did you see the letter i's on the note?"
"John, get a grip, sit down! Stop pacing around the room!"
"She dots her i's with little hearts, I never knew that about her! I can't marry a woman who dots her i's with hearts! The wedding is off!"