The Discovery Company is teaming up with one of the most notorious anti-environmentalists of the day, Sara Palin. Obviously a match made in - well, wherever Republican Senators go after they quit work at 2:00 PM. With the odd pairing there will be some changes implemented to the Discovery Channel regular programs, specifically:
Mythbusters: The myth of global warming, busted!
Deadliest Catch: This week we will follow Japanese whale hunters as they ram Greepeace speed boats and feast on baby whale meat
Shark Week: this week a delicious new shark fin soup recipe
Planet Earth: canceled, we just don't give a shit.
Seriously Discovery, get a clue!!! I recommend you start by analyzing your target audience.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Customer service in Brazilian banks
There really is no customer service to speak of in Brazil. Customers expect to be treated like crap and organizations are more than happy to comply. Case in point:
On a hot summer day my mother and I walk into her bank. She had to pay a few bills. The branch was air-conditioned and it felt good walking in, until we came to the metal detector. Most banks in Brazil have revolving doors with metal detectors granting access to the branch. I'm almost certain these doors weren’t designed to deter robbers; rather they were designed to piss off customers and ruin their days. They are extremely effective!
For example: In this video, after removing everything in her purse this woman (not mom) breaks down and strips in order to get through the metal detector to pay her bills, obviously the door is performing according to design:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8mcv0_mulher-teve-de-tirar-a-roupa-para-e_news
in a different clip a woman has to remove every single electronic and metal item out of her back pack before she can enter the bank, mind you, while she is doing this no one can get in or out of the bank, there is only ONE door. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGMkJwgNbqM this is an every day occurrence in Brazilian banks!!!!
We walk up to the teller and mom hands him the stack of bills and her bankcard. The teller swipes the card and enters the stack of bills into the system. Before he concludes the transaction he asks her for a picture ID, which she cannot produce, it’s in her other wallet.
Mom: “sorry, I don’t have my ID”
Teller: “well then I can’t process the transaction”
Mom: “but it’s my account, the bills are in my name and the bankcard is in my name”
Teller “sorry it’s policy”
Mom: “listen, the account is in my name, the bills are all in my name and the bankcard is in my name, a picture ID would also be in MY name”
She produces a SS card equivalent document with her name but alas, without a picture
Teller: “sorry, it’s policy I cant’ process the transaction”
Mom: “why not?”
Teller: “because your card could have been stolen”
Me: “you mean to tell me that a mugger stole her wallet and the unpaid bills, walked into the bank, passed the metal detector stepped into the seniors-only line, and volunteered to pay her bills out of the goodness of her heart? Do you seriously believe that?”
-*And this is where it gets good* –
Teller: “It could happen!”
He refused to process the transaction or check her signature card, it’s policy, you know.
On a hot summer day my mother and I walk into her bank. She had to pay a few bills. The branch was air-conditioned and it felt good walking in, until we came to the metal detector. Most banks in Brazil have revolving doors with metal detectors granting access to the branch. I'm almost certain these doors weren’t designed to deter robbers; rather they were designed to piss off customers and ruin their days. They are extremely effective!
For example: In this video, after removing everything in her purse this woman (not mom) breaks down and strips in order to get through the metal detector to pay her bills, obviously the door is performing according to design:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8mcv0_mulher-teve-de-tirar-a-roupa-para-e_news
in a different clip a woman has to remove every single electronic and metal item out of her back pack before she can enter the bank, mind you, while she is doing this no one can get in or out of the bank, there is only ONE door. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGMkJwgNbqM this is an every day occurrence in Brazilian banks!!!!
We walk up to the teller and mom hands him the stack of bills and her bankcard. The teller swipes the card and enters the stack of bills into the system. Before he concludes the transaction he asks her for a picture ID, which she cannot produce, it’s in her other wallet.
Mom: “sorry, I don’t have my ID”
Teller: “well then I can’t process the transaction”
Mom: “but it’s my account, the bills are in my name and the bankcard is in my name”
Teller “sorry it’s policy”
Mom: “listen, the account is in my name, the bills are all in my name and the bankcard is in my name, a picture ID would also be in MY name”
She produces a SS card equivalent document with her name but alas, without a picture
Teller: “sorry, it’s policy I cant’ process the transaction”
Mom: “why not?”
Teller: “because your card could have been stolen”
Me: “you mean to tell me that a mugger stole her wallet and the unpaid bills, walked into the bank, passed the metal detector stepped into the seniors-only line, and volunteered to pay her bills out of the goodness of her heart? Do you seriously believe that?”
-*And this is where it gets good* –
Teller: “It could happen!”
He refused to process the transaction or check her signature card, it’s policy, you know.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Traffic in Sao Paulo, just one more reason to hate SP
Traffic in São Paulo is not bad, it would have to improve by a factor of 1000 in order to be classified simply as bad. There are two major thoroughfares in the city, the Pinheiros and the Tiete. In the US these would be called freeways since their speed limit is about 55 and they have no traffic lights. Whenever I see one of the few speed limit signs I always think that 55 is the goal not the limit. You never shift higher than second, ever, at any time of the day. You don't believe me? You think I exaggerate...
Every day, all day traffic is so slow that a unique industry has developed on the side of these roads. People selling refreshments, snacks, phone chargers, mosquito rackets etc. This is what these people do for a living, it's a job they have created for themselves in an industry invented out of necessity.
Some have grabbed prime real estate positions in turnouts and they set up little tents by the road every day. I'm sure these territories are contested and defended by none too peaceful means.
Outside the 'freeways' there are also jugglers, trained dogs and magicians who perform for cars stopped at traffic lights in exchange for a few coins.
I wish I had a picture of a roasted peanut salesman, they carry around a large paint can hanging from three strings tied into a handle, the can has hot coals on the bottom and the peanuts, wrapped in paper cones, are stacked on top. They are served hot and are delicious, if you are brave enough to eat something purchased on the side of the road.
A while back my brother bought some peanuts while stuck in traffic. As the young boy who was selling them approached the window, traffic started to move and to cut the transaction short my brother grabbed a handful of change from the ashtray and handed it to the boy knowing full well that the amount he grabbed exceeded the R$ 2.00 price of the peanuts, and drove off. 'Drove off' is a figure of speech, in Sao Paulo you don't get very far by driving off. We must have moved 15 yards and stopped again. A few seconds later the boy ran up to the driver's window and said "Mr. You gave me too much money, here's your change". It broke my heart. In a country where petty theft, robberies and break-ins are so common they hardly make good stories to tell friends over a beer, this young boy, who probably lives in squalor, chased a car to give someone change. That never happens in Brazil where honesty is just not something people can afford. Wouldn't it be great to have the money to give him a job or pay for his education? It's just such a shame.
Every day, all day traffic is so slow that a unique industry has developed on the side of these roads. People selling refreshments, snacks, phone chargers, mosquito rackets etc. This is what these people do for a living, it's a job they have created for themselves in an industry invented out of necessity.
Some have grabbed prime real estate positions in turnouts and they set up little tents by the road every day. I'm sure these territories are contested and defended by none too peaceful means.
Outside the 'freeways' there are also jugglers, trained dogs and magicians who perform for cars stopped at traffic lights in exchange for a few coins.
I wish I had a picture of a roasted peanut salesman, they carry around a large paint can hanging from three strings tied into a handle, the can has hot coals on the bottom and the peanuts, wrapped in paper cones, are stacked on top. They are served hot and are delicious, if you are brave enough to eat something purchased on the side of the road.
A while back my brother bought some peanuts while stuck in traffic. As the young boy who was selling them approached the window, traffic started to move and to cut the transaction short my brother grabbed a handful of change from the ashtray and handed it to the boy knowing full well that the amount he grabbed exceeded the R$ 2.00 price of the peanuts, and drove off. 'Drove off' is a figure of speech, in Sao Paulo you don't get very far by driving off. We must have moved 15 yards and stopped again. A few seconds later the boy ran up to the driver's window and said "Mr. You gave me too much money, here's your change". It broke my heart. In a country where petty theft, robberies and break-ins are so common they hardly make good stories to tell friends over a beer, this young boy, who probably lives in squalor, chased a car to give someone change. That never happens in Brazil where honesty is just not something people can afford. Wouldn't it be great to have the money to give him a job or pay for his education? It's just such a shame.